My name is Cordelia Smythe Westmaclemore, and I work for the Sinners and Saints Gazette. Today, I am in Hell to talk with the devil himself about how he copes with technology and its ever-growing impact on his society.
Thank you very much for inviting me, Mr. Lucifer
My pleasure, Miss Westmaclemore. Please call me Lucifer or Prince of Darkness.
So, Mr. Prince of Darkness, what are some of the difficulties you face in your everyday life,
My children Pippa and Ronald have been trying to convince me to make Hell digital and let the
computers figure out our client’s punishment. But I really miss the hands-on torture; now I just type how long the torture should be, and then computers handle the rest.
Their sins get downloaded automatically, and when they arrive, there is no orientation anymore; they start their punishment right away. Some of our older clients have started to complain about the lack of personal touch, and my demons are bored; they lose their creativity. Furthermore, the new generation of sinners is just different.
In what way, Mr. Prince Of Darkness?
They seem so detached from reality. I have had many people who didn’t realize that they had arrived in hell. They just thought that they were at work. Granted, it was mostly people from the US, but it took maybe a month before they understood where they were.
We usually use their greatest fears, but it is mostly not having internet.
I talked to God about it last night.
Sorry, Mr. Prince Of Darkness, you talked to God.
Yes, he is staying in this Bed and breakfast in Surrey. Strangely enough, he has the same problem in heaven: people complain about the lack of internet, and people are so divided. It’s a dreadful business.
You say that people are divided even in heaven; is it about race?
No, it is about Android and iPhone users.
How extraordinary.
Indeed.
Thank you very much for inviting me, Mr. Prince of Darkness.
It was my pleasure, and we will see each other soon.
What did you just say?
My apologies. It was bad form on my part. Have a nice day, Miss Westmaclemore.