I am Vera Cadvert Coles with the Fine Dining & Arts Tribune in Essex.
Today I am at the home of Cat Middleton and Jeremy Barkson in their Somerset home.
Cat Middleton, you are a famous cat rights activist. What made you start fighting for cat rights
And what is your hope for the future?
The hope is worldwide worship of cats. The Egyptians had it right. We in the United Front for Cats say Make Egypt great again.
Why? I think my friend Jeremy Barkson and I are in agreement that we started to notice that our humans were lying to us and taking away basic animal rights.
Can you tell me more?
Well, first off, there was no second breakfast. They broke treats in half while they postulated that we, indeed, had been given a whole treat.
Bath time, not enough playtime, saying hurtful things like we have put on a few pounds.
I second that. For instance, I want to go to the beach, but then they say not today, Jeremy Barkson.
There are a lot of stupid rules, such as we cannot sleep in their bed. Furthermore, they claim that we are going to the dog park, but it is just a ruse for going to the vet; I mean the pawdacity. Wait, excuse me for a moment, Miss.
Where did he go?
Don’t mind him, Miss. He saw a squirrel, but we can continue while Jeremy chases it.
It must be difficult living under these conditions. What is the next course of action?
At this very moment, t-shirts that say TIME TO TAKE A STAND and CAT POWER are being made.
We also have a strong Social Media presence.
What about your humans? Are they aware of their role in the atrocities?
As you might know, most humans are a bit simple. We do try to speak up, but they don’t really listen. But we will never surrender.
Can I ask for their names and occupation?
Sure, it’s Kennedy and Raveltine Tipscrubble. They are very much into the flat earth movement. So, they purchase globes and change them to resemble their definition of a flat earth. It is utter poppycock, but the craftsmanship is quite extraordinary because if you order the deluxe model, you get a version where you can see ships falling off the edge.
Interestingly enough, they also make authentic globes of the rest of the solar system, so you can, for instance, purchase Saturn and Venus as globes. It looks very realistic. They even added rings and city names they themselves had thought of. The real question is why they believe Earth is flat while all the other planets are not. Personally, I hope it is all a hoax, and then I would say well played. But anyway, we don’t care as long as they continue to feed us.
Thank you so much for letting me into your home. I wish you a good day.
Wait, It is I, Jeremy Barkson. I almost caught that damn squirrel.