The Universe
The Milky Way
Earth
Denmark
My dearest Dave
It was so nice to hear from you and the rest of the Danish people. You are always welcome to contact me, even though, as you say, you are a part-time believer. I have complete faith in you, although you might not have complete faith in me. I do understand why it is difficult to believe in someone or something you have not seen. I might not talk, but I will always listen, and if I am silent, I can hear you.
I am simply overjoyed with the fact that you chose to write to me in English because, despite me being an omnipotent entity, I have not yet mastered Danish. One of my many gifts to you and the rest of mankind is the gift of writing, but you just had to add more letters to the already perfect alphabet and letters that no one else uses. I almost considered taking away your free will, but you are absolutely right. The Danish people did leave a more fun religion. I am forever grateful for that; furthermore, as Michael, my archangel, pointed out, I haven’t even mastered Italian yet the grammar I just can´t; what I can do is build planets and entire galaxies and everything else.
I do hope you will forgive my outburst; sometimes, it would be nice if people would just once say, “Nice job, God,” or be content with what they have. I should point out for further reference that the normal response time would be 7000-9000 business days, but as luck would have it, I was just over at Agatha 6 near Naomi´s Nebula to attend a meeting held by the United Planets Association.
There were two very important topics on the agenda: how is it that someone from Earth always wins the Miss Universe contest, and how long would it take Earth to realise that there is life in the universe? The good people from Wilbur 8 have sent ships into Earth’s airspace many times,
but no one seems to care. I mean, the existence of UFOs has been confirmed numerous times, but no one can be bothered. Perhaps I should suggest that Wilbur 8 use social media to make their presence known.
But I digress. To answer your very reasonable question, the short answer is no. I cannot help you. The weather was also granted free will. Besides, being alive means overcoming hardships. I am tired of watching you squander away what I have given you. But to be fair, the problem of people in small cars and their parking habits is a real issue to which I will give my undivided attention.
You might be glad to know that I am working on a design for a new planet. I hope it becomes much more ameliorate. This time, it is a little different as I hired the inhabitants of Cornelius 7 to construct it.
I think this time, instead of two people, it will be three couples plus some trolls.
Astrid and Ethan, Artemis and Elijah, Madge and Barclay, plus Ungar and Clarididis.
Regarding names, I am contemplating Earth 4, Lucy 11, Nigel 8, Sarah 5, and Pippa 9.
The good people of Cornelius 7 have never attempted to construct a whole planet.
It is a planet of poets; their style is unique. I would say it resembles Vogon Poetry, just much, much worse.
I have absolute faith in them, but should it fail, I have a formidable team of Kingfishers and seahorses standing by. They do great work. Jupiter looks stunning, but it’s not very hospitable. It’s still very nice work.
I have to pop off. Have a great millennium.
Yours faithfully
God