My name is Henrietta Mactops from The Evening Mall, and I am In Lincolnshire near Laughton Forest.
I have most graciously been invited to a meeting of the utmost importance at Kingfisher Hall by Norman Haddock, the head of the committee for Advancing Birds and Human Relations.
Now, my dear readers, I cannot tell you exactly where Kingfisher Hall is, except that I am allowed to report from inside the Hall.
Norman Haddock has agreed to translate for me. He grew up in the attic at Oxford University and is, therefore, well-versed in English.
The Speaker of the House, the distinguished Rutherford Elliot Angus, is about to open the meeting.
Let’s listen.
Welcome members of Parliament to this urgent meeting. I am well aware that none of us really wants to be here, and I do believe it is the first time in 100 years that we are all together.
First order of business.
Cake, worms, biscuits and tea are in the dining room afterwards.
Second order of business.
Should we break with our most honoured traditions and invoke the Disney Princess clause?
We have been receiving reports from all over the forest that a human has been trying to establish contact with us.
Let’s hear the member from the third district of Putney, Mr. Ryder White.
Thank you, Mr. Speaker. Right, so I was flying home to the missus and the children when I noticed this human sitting in the tall grass. I don’t know what it was, but I had to fly down close to it.
How did the human look, and did it try to make contact with you?
How would I know? It looked like a human with two legs, two eyes, blond hair, and so forth. That being said, I would assume it is a female; she had this English Rose quality to her.
She did try to contact me, saying I was very handsome, and I usually do not care much for humans. No offence to the human in the audience, but in this case, she made some sound arguments. I almost started to sing when I saw her trying that Merlin bird sound app on her phone.
The humans are on to us. What did you do then well, I left immediately
Thank you, Mr. White.
Next, we have Mr. Trappers Stuart.
Thank you, Mr. Speaker.
I have heard from my mate Seamus from Dungannon in Northern Ireland that one day, he was flying to work in the mines of Montanis when he came across this human sitting and painting right there in the forest. He was compelled to fly down and investigate.
What was his initial thought? Well, Mr. Speaker, it has talent. It reminded him of Under the Wave off Kanagawa by Katsushika Hokusai, mixed with modern-day impressionism and a hint of pop art.
Thank you very much for your art review. I was referring to your mates’ initial thoughts about the human. Oh, I see that in this case, the human is also female, with two legs and two eyes, and also a blonde.
Thank you, Mr. Stuart
Dear members, I fear it is the same human. I will open the floor to vote on invoking the Disney Princess clause article 5, paragraph 2 from the book of Mirain Tonnau.
That says: Once a human has been identified as a Disney princess all animals that includes us gents and gentettes. We must help her, for instance, if she has an evil stepdad or stepmom and us birds are obligated to sing to her and if you cannot sing humming is also acceptable.
Mr. Speaker, this is absolute poppycock, and I will not stand for it; I protest.
Mr. Edwin Bottlesnap from West Croydon, the floor is not yours; please hold your beak.
You forget yourself. The book is sacred. Perhaps you would like to speak with Lady Mirain Tonnau about your qualms.
No, thank you, Mr. Speaker.
Good, let’s proceed; you may now vote.
Dear readers, this is very exciting; as far I can tell, the voting process consists of those parliament members on the right-side votes first by pressing a green button for yes and a white button for no.
The left side votes next, and then the button stays down so that an official voter counter will calculate the result.
Let’s see the result
Ladies and gentlemen, the votes are in 120; say yah 19, say nay
You all know your course of action from here. May Lady Mirain have mercy on us all. God save the Queen. I want to thank the human reporter for coming.
Thank you very much for having me.