My name is Daisy Brontë Hubblescob. I am at the Supreme Court in Walthamstow, where a man named Frederick Madeline Timtoppletim is being sued for cultural appropriation by the association of Ghosts, Ghouls, and Gargoyles because he identifies as a ghost.
I cannot tell you, my dear readers, why exactly this case has made it to the Supreme Court. My sources are positively befuddled. Some speculate that the reason for this is that the ghost who is representing the ghost community is the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.
The room is packed with spectators and supporters from both sides. Technically, I cannot see supporters from the Ghost Ghouls and Gargoyles association, but I am being told that they are there. As for the Gargoyles, they can only leave their posts at night.
So, I have positioned myself in the aisle where Mr. Madeline’s supporters are seated. These are people who identify as something they are not.
I am sitting with Mr. Callahan Sommers Margorite Pierce.
Mr. Callahan Sommers Margorite Pierce you are here today to support Mr. Frederick Madeline Timtoppletim why is that?
Well, miss, I Identify myself as being homeless.
Are you homeless Mr. Callahan Sommers Magorite Pierce.
No of course not I live in Belgravia, but I would like to have the freedom to identify myself as I see fit and also, for tax purposes.
Thank you for talking with me Mr. Callahan Sommers Margorite Pierce, since your name is quite long, I will move on and find someone else to interview.
As luck would have it, I am at the section where the ghosts and ghouls are sitting. I have started to identify as someone who can see ghosts, and I am delighted to say it works.
Excuse me, sir, would you be willing to say a few words to my readers Mr.?
My name is Alvin Trafalgar Smeckersbye, and what publication are you from Miss
I am a journalist for the Daily Chronicles of Stuart.
I am sorry, I have never heard of that newspaper before
No worries Mr. Smeckersbye, no one has.
All right then ask my anything
Thank you, Mr. Smeckersbye,
Why are you here today
Well, miss, the world has gone quite mad. I have spent the past 200 years trying to find out what exactly my unfinished business is so I can move on, yet these people think it is some kind of a joke. We will not stand for it; we fight them anywhere apart from on the beaches. We ghost do not appreciate sand or direct sunlight.
Thank you very much for your time, Mr Smeckersbye, and good luck in all your future endeavours.
I will continue to follow the trial and keep you posted.