I am Juniper Baxster Aldentan from Wolves Weekly Magazine. Today, I am in the little seaside town of Surrey to report on the difficulties the elderly have with technology and its ever-growing impact on today’s society.
I have been gracefully invited into Lavinia Kaufax’s home. She lives with her son Cecil and two
cats Dougal and Rhys.
So, Miss Kaufax, what is the biggest problem you face in your daily life regarding technology?
That is probably my mobile phone, it is very stupid. I cannot get it to do the things I need, like going
to the Tatler magazine’s website and paying my bills. My son will not help any more, that
ungrateful little muppet.
Why is that Miss Kaufax
I suppose he has a point; there have been some unfortunate incidents. Siri
gave me her two weeks’ notice. At one point, the phone turned the vibrator function on in an
attempt to vibrate itself off the kitchen table, and there was that one time when I had
opened a portal to hell, which in the beginning was very scary, but this very nice demon assured
me, it was perfectly all right; it happened more times than you think.
Scary stuff indeed, Miss Kaufax; I hope it gets easier for you.
It just so happens that the nice demon, Kenneth, is coming tonight for tea and
biscuits. It turns out that hell is doing an outreach program to help people like me with technology
in order to minimise the opening of portals.
It all sounds very interesting, and thank you very much for telling me your harrowing story, Miss Kaufax.