My name is Safia Tulip Necromancer, and I am writing for the Articles and Stuff Magazine.
I am at the renowned GPS manufacturer TimTim headquarters in Nova Scotia.
With me, I have the CEO, Mr Walter Nobbletop.
Mr Nobbletop, thank you for meeting with me. Your company has recently presented some innovations in the GPS field.
Can you tell us more?
Certainly, Miss, we work hard to ensure that all of our customers feel included, and one of our focus areas is the bad driver and religious customer segment.
If your GPS can help reduce the number of bad drivers in traffic, that could be very beneficial for overall traffic safety.
We certainly hope. “It’s very simple, really. We all know that unmarried men are often perceived as bad drivers. So, the GPS will provide continuous updates until someone else, such as a partner, can take over. It will inform the driver when it is time to break or not to break, the location of pedestrians on the pavement, the pavement itself, and the presence of cyclists (if cycling on the road is legal in your country). It will also notify the driver if they are driving too fast or too slowly.” Plus, if you are indeed breathing too loud, There is also an option where you can practice getting snacks for the road so your future partner does not even have to request said snacks because you have already pulled into a petrol station.
I am intrigued. Let’s move on. I am curious about your other innovation for Bible enthusiasts.
Yes, it is groundbreaking. Our Bible GPS now comes in two language editions: Hebrew and Aramaic. All maps are converted to display your country just as it would have been in that time period, including the names of cities and areas. We can recommend Google Translate in that aspect.
This would require more of the driver; hence, there is no guarantee the map will resemble what the driver is experiencing.
Since there were no cars then, the GPS will calculate your ETA based on how long it would take to walk the distance.
Sound riveting, any other features.
You also have to complete a quiz on the inner workings of the Old Testament before using the GPS, and no, you cannot turn it off.
Furthermore, you will also be informed of any sins you happen to commit along the way.
What about women? The women’s rights movement wasn’t as far along as it is today.
It’s no problem. You just need a male to inform the GPS that it is okay for the women to use it.
It might not be able to tell you about speeding limits or roadworks, but it will tell you about marauding bandits and the location of an oasis in the vicinity.
You have really outdone yourself. Congratulations, thank you for paying me to come here.