I am Gemma Wadlehobbs Steep from the Honest at Times. I am in Leicester to chat with local resident Andrew Scott McEarlmore. He fell ill at just the right time, and I talked with him about his good fortune.
Mr. McEarlmore, being sick is always an inconvenience for most, but not for you.
Would you mind telling us about one of those times when you benefitted from being sick?
Yes, I was invited to my distant cousin’s wedding, whom I have never met. It was a Brussels sprout
Inspired wedding, the venue was an ancient sacred burial ground. Bring your own food and chair
the music consisted of screaming. The ceremony was to be held at midnight, and
the guests were invited to help the bride, groom and the local shaman free the haunted spirits so
they could find peace and all this while being naked.
It sounds like a very eclectic wedding; any more details you can tell us, Mr. McEarlmore?
Well, you know how at some weddings they release white doves.
Yes, we did it at my wedding.
In this case, they released bears and wolves because they claimed them to be their spirit-
animals.
But there are no bears and wolves in Britain.
No, these were imported, and nobody had thought about feeding them before they came to
the wedding, so naturally, they did some light mauling before they went to the buffet table that
consisted of Brussels sprouts and sardines mixed with stinky tofu. They ate all of it, and there was
nothing left. My mother and father, who were present at the wedding, looked at each other
, said bless those animals and then left. Because it was evident the animals had realized
that the food was awful and then they got even madder, which culminated in them calling the
RSPCA citing animal cruelty. Last we heard, they lived in Stamford in an animal sanctuary
while they recovered from being torn from their home.
Mr. McEarlmore, thank you for telling me your story.