I am Nicole Taramas from Lincolnshire Science Times and News. NASA has invited me to Cape Canaveral, Florida, to hear about a new method for launching their space shuttles.
Mr. Brian Basindunne Edgar Stoke, you are the Chief Engineer and responsible for getting the astronauts safely in the air is that correct?
Yes Miss Taramas
As I understand it, you have devised a new, much more cost-effective, and safe method for launching a space shuttle.
As you may know, space travel is very expensive and dangerous, and we have been searching for a better way for a long time. Then, as luck would have it, we stumbled across an article in Plants and Birds Magazine postulating that if you scream at a cup of coffee for a prolonged period, it is possible to heat the coffee.
Interesting, but how does it correlate with your space travel endeavours?
Well, we thought, what if we use the same principle on a much larger scale? Then, the sound could be very powerful. It is all about vibrations. One of my engineers told me about his aunt Gertrude, who can get very angry over the smallest things. Her voice can be so high-pitched that only dogs can hear her. That gave me the idea for the Karen Project. The whole staff started looking for Karens across the country.
Mr. Brian Basindunne Edgar Stoke
Please call me Bri Bri
Absolutely not.
Tell me how you attracted the applicants.
We put out an ad nationwide in newspapers, social media, community forums, etc., in which we stated we were looking for intelligent women of all races who are not afraid to speak their minds and could help us get more women into science. They would be paid $1,000 for a week, with hotel and food included.
It sounds a little dishonest.
Not according to our lawyers.
All right then, how did you proceed?
After reviewing all the applications, we found 50 Karens. Then, we invited them all to Florida, where they would undergo a series of tests.
What do these tests entail?
Firstly, we needed to determine what the Karens would react to so our interns would discuss various topics. They would wear shirts with slogans that could offend those who are actively looking to be upset.
What kind of topics would you choose?
For instance, the weather, politics, how many genders there are, people having fun, what they are doing wrong in other countries, and the importance of being offended on behalf of others.
It appears sexist that you only use women-
We also tried the Chad project, but it escalated into fighting, so we learned that using women was our best option.
Once you were done with the first test then what happened
Well, all 50 Karens passed the test with flying colours, so we did a test on how much sound they could produce if we really put them to the test. We assembled them in our simulation room, where our interns would engage them in topics we knew to be effective.
How did it go?
It was a tremendous success. The vibrations they could create were so strong that you could feel them throughout the building. People were calling in to ask if we were experimenting with earthquakes.
Our computer simulations showed that if it had been a real space shuttle, it would most likely have obtained close to warp speed.
That sounds very promising.
Yes, we were ecstatic. The only problem is the level of G force it would put on our astronauts; they would not survive it.
Our next option was to lower the number of Karens to 25 and do another test, which resulted in a speed close to Mach 100. It is still a bit much, but we would like to come down around Mach 40 so we can potentially reach the moon within 24 hours.
How many Karens do you think it will take before you have found the right approach?
We have decided to do a live test today, which you are welcome to observe.
Thank you very much.
Can I ask what the ultimate goal is?
We want to travel the universe in a safe, sustainable and preferable in a cost-effective manner.
Our next challenge is to harness the immense power these women can produce. The potential is fantastic.
I am currently in the control tower to see the live test of the infamous Karen project.
15 Karens have gathered under the space shuttle and are ready to have their voices heard.
I have Mr. Brian Basindunne Edgar Stoke with me.
Could you tell me, my good man, what are your hopes for this test.
We are sending provisions to the ISS Station which usually takes about 3-4 hours. If our calculations are correct, it should not take the shuttle more than 60 min to reach the stations when the Karens go into action. There is a possibility of doing it even faster, but we have to take the g-force problem into consideration. The standard g-force on these flights is about 3, and right now, our prediction says we are about 6 g, which is within the limit, but it cannot exceed that.
Excuse me, we have to commence the test. Please activate Karens and the interns.
Dear readers, I am seeing history in the making. The Karens are quickly getting their voices into a high-pitch mode. I can feel vibrations. I can only imagine what it must feel like for the astronauts on board and we have liftoff just by the power of sound no need for fuel of any kind. It is truly unique to see the shuttle in a perfect lift-off; I can hear people cheering. It is a new chapter in space aviation.
Congratulations, Mr Brian Basindunne Edgar Stoke.
Thanks so much. So far, we are at Mach 50 and g-force level 6, which are our test parameters. We are very happy now; we just have to wait to see when they reach ISS.
Just a couple of final questions: How are they getting back to earth? What is the Karen’s future in this project?
Since we cannot store the Karen energy at this time, we have supplied the ISS station with extra fuel, which the shuttle will receive upon arrival, ensuring its return to Earth.
We still need to do many field tests, and it is possible we can use their unique capabilities in other settings. They have worked wonders with some of the staff. The common areas are now always in pristine order.
Thank you very much for your time, and the best of luck with your project.